February 22, 2012

How To Play Sandwich Punch

Learn the rules of sandwich punch, the most hated game on earth! Sandwich punch is a mealtime game where players attempt to punch each other's sandwiches in an attempt to gain infamy and glory. But beware, once you know the rules to sandwich punch you are a player for life. You've been warned.

Before reading any further, I'd suggest watching this instructional video I put together! It goes through the basics to get punching as soon as possible.

The Basics
The basic rules to sandwich punch. Every player should have these memorized
  • Once you know the rules of sandwich punch, you are a player for life. There is no escape.
  • A sandwich is "punchable" if it has been bitten, torn or cut.
    •  A sandwich that has been cut when it was made is not punchable but a sandwich cut at time of consumption is legally punchable.
  • If a sandwich is "protected" it cannot be punched. (See "How to Protect a Sandwich" below)
  • If you illegally punch a protected sandwich, you must reimburse the owner with a sandwich of equal or greater value.
  • A successful and legal punch must be celebrated.

    How To "Protect" a Sandwich
    "Protecting" is a figurative term, you do not need to physically protect a sandwich, but performing the following actions will make a sandwich illegal to punch.
    • A sandwich is "protected" when in contact with the owner of the sandwich.
    • A sandwich is "protected" when covered by an inedible object.
      • These objects can only be removed by the owner of the sandwich or through natural occurrences (See "The Sandwich God")

      Successful Punches
      So you've managed a legal punch, eh? Here are your rewards!
      • A successful punch must be celebrated by all sandwich punch players in the nearby vicinity.
      • The puncher is not to be harmed by the owner or any other player. They just have to get over it.

        Illegal Punches
        Punched a "protected" sandwich? Shame on you. Here are your legal obligations.
        • You must reimburse the owner with a sandwich of equal or greater value.
          • "Greater" in this case refers to cost of the sandwich or to the quality/quantity of the ingredients within the sandwich.
          • Approval of the reimbursed sandwich by the owner is not necessary, however, you as an illegal puncher must be reasonable. (See "THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE")
        • It is legal to publicly shame an illegal puncher for their actions. Once again though, the owner should follow "THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE" 

          The Sandwich God
          The sandwich god is a fickle fellow. You never know who's side he's on and which sandwiches he deems unworthy.
          • The sandwich god is the only person other than the owner of a sandwich who can remove objects from a protected sandwich.
            • The sandwich god may act in the form of wind, an earthquake or any other similar occurrence.
          • A player may not act in the place of the sandwich god.
            • A player, for example, cannot blow or shake a table to remove an protecting object from a sandwich.
          • Any action taken by the sandwich god cannot be contested. You as a player a subject to the whims of the sandwich god.

            DON'T BE AN ASS!
            • Sandwich punch is a social game and is meant to be fun. It's easy to get carried away when playing, but don't take it too far. Losing a friend isn't worth scoring a punch.

            ...and that's it! Get out there and get punching! Share this page or the video with friends to get them playing too!

            Have questions? Ask them below and I'll answer it as soon as I can!

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            If you liked the video, consider subscribing to UselessHow2 on YouTube!

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